Another Day In Jason Peter Todd's Life(s)
by FlameCatcher
Summary: Jason Todd is a very, very short tempered teen. And all the members of the Team (as well as everyone else for that matter) aren't helping with their idiocy. Follow Jason as he tries not murder anyone violently, including Bruce. A collection of oneshots, rated T because Jason.
1. Them evil monkeys

Jason's hand was beginning to tremble. He gripped his pen tighter, and tried to focus on his homework. Another screech. In true 'confined-madman' fashion, he thrashed around, successfuly knocking his calculator down.

"Would you stop tormenting that poor violin for ten fucking minutes?" He exclaimed and turned to glare at a very surprised, very offended Garfield, who was holding a violin.

"Dude!" He protested, pointing his bow at the older boy accusingly. "You could have told me it was bothering you! Besides, why are you doing your homework here?"

"Because D-Nightwing's driving me insane!" Jason yelled, as if God would hear and strike his fake older brother dead. He pushed his hair back in frustration.

"Where the hell did you get a violin anyway?"

"Megan bought it for me." The green boy said proudly. "_She_ thinks I'm good at it." He jutted his chin at him.

Jason really wished he could strangle both the Martian and her blood-brother. Sure, they were getting over Marie's death and everything, but goddamn if they annoyed the shit of him. Whenever they were in the same room, they wouldn't shut up.

Tiredly, he bent down to pick up his calculator, and then tossed it on the table unceremoniously. Gar had taken the clue and had stopped trying to play, but that didn't stop him from being insufferable.

"Hey..." Gar started. Jason pretended not to hear him, and focused on the algebra problem.

"Hey." The green skinned boy had gotten up, and was leaning over Jason's shoulder. Then he flicked his head.

"Hey."

"What?!"

"Do you wanna play video games?"

Jason pinched the bridge of nose, earning a giggle- a _giggle_\- from Gar.

"You look like Nightwing." Jason gave him his deluxe 'you're dead' look, but it would take more than that to scare the boy.

"If you haven't noticed..." Jason started, trying his best not to lunge at Gar, who was still grinning like an idiot. "I have algebra to do. I don't have time for video games."

Gar's tail fell with disappointment. "Oh c'mon!" He complained. "Everyone's always so busy."

"Ask Marvel." Jason answered, hoping this would give him at least ten more minutes of silence. Unfortunately for him, Gar not only considered the idea, he went and actually sent Captain Marvel an SOS. Literally.

Captain Marvel burst into the room, the disembodied computer voice having just announced his presence.

"What's wrong? Where are the evil monkeys?" He shouted, looking around bewildered.

"Their attacking my village!" Gar replied, equally loud.

Jason's head dropped to the head with a loud bang and a deep sigh. "You're kidding." He mumbled to himself.

Captain Marvel looked at Gar skeptically. "Well, I was supposed to help Martian Manhunter with something...Oh well, he can do it himself." And with that, they plopped down on the couch and went on a monkey killing spree, shouting and cheering each other on in the process.

* * *

J'onn scratched his head.

"I was sure I told Billy this was of utmost importance..."

"I don't think he knows what that means..." Hawkwoman answered with an exasperated sigh.


	2. Jaysus!

Jason had, at last, some time away from the superhero gig. So, instead of doing the algebra homework he _still _hadn't finished, he decided to play an online game. And it was horrible. He was skyping with his teammates to better communicate, but it wasn't helping at all. Besides the support, no one else seemed to know what they were doing. One of them even walked head first into a teamfight,_ without his team._

"Jesus Christ!" He exclaimed at some point.

"It's obvious he's trying..." A girl from his team said quietly.

"Yeah. You can't be that bad without trying." Another guy said. These two had been going at it for the past twenty minutes, and Jason was this close to head butting his computer to death.

"Why can't we just take objectives...?" Another girl mumbled. This one was playing as the support, and to be honest, Jason wanted to throttle her least of all. But he still would if given the chance.

"Because if we leave our base, they're gonna win?" Jason almost yelled. This whole thing was giving him a migraine.

"Oh my god." She said. "This bitch is standing _right there_ and _laughing_-do something!" She practically screamed at him. Slightly terrified of her outburst, Jason did his best to kill the enemy player. Unfortunately, her friends were hiding just behind her, and Jason didn't even get a chance to process what was happening.

"Jaysus!" The girl screamed. Even the other two idiots stopped at that.

"Ja-jaysus?" One of the guys said, barely containing his laughter.

"Is it because of my name?" Jason asked out loud, the joke completely lost on him. He could almost hear her roll her eyes.

"This should be, like, your new username dude." Another one of his teammates said.

"Jaysus?"

"Yes, Jaysus."

_Jesus._

* * *

**No, I was not being lazy when I wrote that. Okay, maybe a little, but I've had almost no time to work on anything (I've already written up to five chapters in my other story). Trust me, though, this'll all make sense later.**


	3. The Breakfast Bludgeoning

**I know no one really reads these, so I'm gonna keep it short. I didn't expect this to be so popular, but it turns out I was wrong. So I'm updating this series more often now (it was every two weeks before). Now it's every Monday, probably sometime around 20.00...It depends on where you live. Well, that's it from me. Enjoy the idiocy!**

* * *

Jason looked up from his phone screen momentarily, to see who else had joined him in detention. A girl with brightly colored hair walked in, her own phone already in hand. She didn't bother looking around, she just marched off the outlet and plugged her phone in then went back to scrolling.

Jason felt this was somehow familiar. Not the detention, even though he'd been getting a lot of those recently- it wasn't _his_ fault peoplen were stupid. Regardless, he looked around him once more and realised why this felt so familiar. Sitting in the desk in front of him was a guy who seemed to be made of testosterone, muscle and broken dreams. To his left was the punk girl and behind him was the most stereotypical kind of nerd there was- Jason knew his name was Fred- and the only one missing was the prom queen and they could have themselves a modern Breakfast Club.

Which wouldn't be very spectacular, seeing as everyone was on their phone. Unfortunately, it turned out that looking up from his screen was a bad idea, because now he was restless. The teacher looking over them had taken a bathroom break, but even so he couldn't afford to get up. Suddenly, the hero gig seemed so much more fun. After many minutes of finger tapping and the teacher still not back, Fred 'decided' to lend Jason his pencils, and now the young bird was building a pencil crossbow. And it was awesome.

Until, that is, he flung a pencil at the bulk of muscle that was the blonde guy. Jason felt like he was in a fight with Bane, and considering how last time had turned out, he wasn't looking forward to a rematch. Then he remembered that this guy was just a jock, not a trace of Cobra Venom in his body. The restlessness from before came rushing back in.

The jock got up and glared at him.

"You think this is funny, punk?" He spat. The girl looked up lazily from her phone screen, while Fred tried to take cover. Jason shrugged. "Yeah."

A vein popped on the jock's forehead, and he reached out to grab Jason by the collar. He lifted him to his feet and went for a punch to the face. Jason however, was able to dodge attacks like that from back when he was living on the street.

It was a full out brawl and the girl was recording it. The desk Fred had slipped under was at some point flung against the wall, and the poor kid was crawling on the floor, trying not get a stray kick to face from the other two teens. He managed to get to where the girl was sitting, and lay next to her in fetal position, crying.

The door finally flew open, revealing a very pissed, very homicidal-looking teacher. And Bruce Wayne right behind him.

Jason froze, as did the jock. Jason's fist was midair, inches away from the guy's face, who was going for a knee to the crotch. Bruce galred at everyone in the classroom, including the girl who was still filming and the sobbing mass that was Fred. Very slowly, the two boys let go of each other, keeping their stares on the multibillionare.

"I'm afraid that calls for another detention, Mr. Todd."


	4. Sugar, spice and mental scars!

Days after the second detention Jason had earned, Bruce had decided that another punishment was in order. Because Jason ate two cookies before dinner.

Bruce had seemed entertained as he watched his youngest son's face change colors. Jason, on the other hand, was absolutely pissed. He'd spend the last few hours trying to punch Dick, who was holding the punching sack Jason was currently violating.

The older bird laughed a little nervously when a stray fist missed him by centimetres. Jason tried to punch his older brother again, trying to make it look like an accident.

The punishment Bruce had forced on him was just that; spend time with Dick. Jason _hated_ Dick. Well, 'hate' might have been too heavy a word, but that didn't stop Jason from fantasing about strangling the guy. Just a little bit. Or a lot.

"Are you sure you just wanna train...?" Dick asked after dodgin the tenth 'accidental' punch. "We could catch a movie or-"

"No." Jason said through gritted teeth. Dick frowned and pulled the punching bag away from the teenager. "Hey, I had plans for today too." He said, a little irritated. Truth be told, Jason didn't have anything planned. But spending time with Dick was _not_ on the list.

"Fine." He said defeated. "What movie?" Dick flashed an idiotic grin that Jason would love to hack off his face. But, under the idiocy of it, Jason could make out something almost...malicious. He found himself grimacing.

"Have you watched any Disney movies?" That was all Jason needed to know. The older bird didn't give him the time to answer. Not that Jay would; he was about to ran away from the now cackling Dick- pun intended.

* * *

Dick was equipped with Alfred's chocolate cookies and cocoa, just to make the torment Jason was about to go through seem a little sweeter. And it was working.

Jason nimbled on a cookie as the first movie began. Snow fucking White and the Seven Dwarves. Jason hadn't seen that movie, and after about twenty minutes, he decided he could have lived without seeing it. Snow's voice was annoying as fuck, to say the least. What was even worse was that Dick was _enjoying_ it, the sick bastard.

After the movie was done, and Jason was still trying to process what he'd just seen, Dick moved on to the next one; The Little Mermaid. Yep, Jason was sure he preffered the original tale, where the mermaid has to go through the pain he felt as he watched the movie. At least _her _voice was less awkward.

* * *

Bruce walked into the manor, tired beyond comprehension. He never really thought that office work could be as tiring as patroling the streets of Gotham, but he was wrong. To his dismay, he remembered Jason's punishment. Not knowing what to expect, he took a careful peek into the large living room.

No, his eyes were just playing tricks on him. Because there was no way in hell Jason and Dick were singing along to _Let it go._ He shook his head, inwardly laughing at himself for think that. He was just tired. Yeah, that was it.

* * *

**Short story again! Sorry, I know this is supposed to have some superhero stuff in it, but it's kinda hard to think of a fitting situation. Oh well, imagining Jason singing 'Let it go' was fun enough for me.**


	5. Bananas!

**The Lost Chapter- Well, not exactly lost. This is what Jason to in The Breakfast Bludgeoning though.**

* * *

Jason had at first thought that this mission would be simple enough. But, as with almost everything in his life, that was not the case. Instead of talking out the thugs and securing the drugs, Robin, Lagoon Boy and BB were now faced with Bane and a woman with oddly-shaped, yellow hair, who had the same amount of muscle as Bane himself.

Lagoon Boy, ever the arrogant _ass_, had jumped right in, thus earning himself a broken arm right off the bat. So now it was just Beast Boy and Robin against Bane and Banana. Beast Boy morphed into an elephant and charged at them, giving Robin enough time to get Lagoon Boy of the way.

Banana, whats-her-face's new nickname, managed to roll out from under Gar's massive body. She sneered at Jason, who was currently helping Lagoon Boy get up. She lunged at them.

Jason managed to block with his forearm and punched with the other hand. His fist caught her in the face, staggering her. Jason heard the crunch of her nose echo throughout the warehouse. Banana had completely dropped her guard, so Jason reached to his utility belt. He threw the rope at Banana, and it wrapped around her body, starting from the ankled and reaching the shoulders.

Banana went down with a cry of pain, and her body started writhing as electricity run through it.

"The Hell did you do, minnow?" Lagoon Boy said, surprised and in pain. Jason didn't bother answering. Instead, he helped him up and guided him outside, where it was relatively safer.

When he got back, Beast Boy had turned into a tiger and was clawing at Bane. Or at least, he was trying to. Bane kicked the boy in the face, sending him flying. As his body crashed into one of the tin walls, he reverted back to his original form, officially unconscious. Bane turned to Jason with a satisfied smirk.

"You're next, niño."

Jason was standing far from him, so he started throwing batarangs. They bounced off Bane's skin before they could any damage to the bulk of muscle that was calmly walking towards him. Banana groaned in pain and Bane stopped to glance at her disdainfully.

"Aw, you broke my friend..." Bane said, mimicking complaint. "Reminds me of the time I broke the Bat." He grinned.

Jason tried to tangle him with the same rope Banana was in, but he easily tore it off him before he was electrocuted. And he kept walking towards him calmly. If Jason was panicking, he tried not to show it.

"Wishing your friends were here yet?" Bane laughed.

"Are you kidding? He _hates _us." An all too familiar voice chuckled from above. Standing on top of the rafters was none other than Nightwing, next to whom was KF.

"You kids need to learn your place." Bane growled at them. KF disappeared for less than a second and then appeared back to his former spot with an unconscious Gar.

Jason saw the opening Bane was giving him and dove in. Despite the man's best efforts, Jason was too fast and Dick's aim was too good. It took two minutes of brawling and cursing for Bane to be as incapacitated as Banana.

"Good job out there, Jay." Nightwing praised as he placed his hand on Jason's shoulder. The younger bird felt a mixture of emotion's overcome him; relief and utter disgust.

"Piss off..." He mumbled and shrugged his brother's hand off.

* * *

**Jason just had a tsundere moment there...Sorry for the initial lack of humor in this one, but I'm feeling kinda sick today...**


	6. You're In Love, Jason Todd

Jason knew full well how dumb his expression was, but he couldn't help it. He kept staring, praying to God no one noticed. The object of his fascination was a tall, willowy girl with glossy black hair and the bluest pair of eyes he'd ever seen called Laurel. Slolwy, he realized he wasn't the only one staring at her; every guy currently in gym class had stopped playing dodgeball just to see her tie her hair up. Jason was pretty sure the coach was staring too, creepy as that may be. Unfortunately for him, the blond guy from a week ago happened to be in his class. Worse still, he wasn't staring at the girl.

The red ball hit Jason square in the face and sent him flying. Everyone turned to look at him. Jason groaned out loud when he realized _she_ was staring at him too.

* * *

Kyle. That was the one person who could help him out of his misery. Kayle was this quiet girl anyone could talk to about everything. She was what Barbara called 'adorable', although Jason was beginning to have his doubts; before he joined Gotham Academy, she had practically ruined a cheerleader's life because she was making fun of the fat girls. He was surprised Kyle hadn't turned up as a vigilante yet.

He set out to find her during lunch, doing his best to navigate through the cafeteria without tripping over people, and possibly getting food on his uniform. He found her sitting on the stairs just outside the cafeteria with an apple in one hand and a book in the other. She didn't look up, even when he sat down next to her.

"Help." He choked. Her eyes flickered from her book to him and then back at the pages.

"Where's the body?" She asked casually.

"It's not a body. Not that kind of body." She raised one eyebrow, still not looking at him.

"So no one's dead. Good, I was running out of hiding places." Jason prayed to God she was being sarcastic; her face was too still to betray it.

"Never mind that!" He nudged her impatiently.

"Fine, fine. What can the Great Guru do for you today?" She laughed, unknowingly pouring relief all over Jason; he was becoming too jumpy with all the messed up villains lately.

"It's Laurel."

"Laurel, who?" She wrinkled her nose. "The cheerleader?"

"There's another one?!" The look Kayle gave him was enough to get the message across. She scooted away from him for emphasis; Kyle was nothing if not dramatic.

"What'd she do to you?" She closed her book and set it on her lap; _Freeing The Natural Voice_ by Kristin Linklater. Of course she'd be into theatre.

"Nothing, I just..." What was he doing here, anyway? Sure, the name Laurel was filling his mind and giving him headaches lately, but there was no reason Kyle should know; she wasn't a matchmaker for crying out loud!

"How many classes do you have with her?" Kyle asked and took a bite out of her apple.

"All...all of them." Jason winced under the scrutinizing look she gave him.

"And when did you acknowledge her existence?"

"Two weeks ago." Kyle shrugged.

"You're in love." Jason was thankful he hadn't taken anything to eat; he would spit in right in her face.

"No I'm not!" He yelled. A group of latecomers glanced at the two sideways, but he didn't care.

"Well, let me put it that way; you _fancy_ her,she _fascinates _you." She looked at him straight in the eye, her own glinting with mischief. "You wanna get in her panties." Jason just barely contained himself from pushing her off the stair.

"NO!"

"Oh, yes- don't look so appalled, we've all been there. I'd be more worried if you spent your high school career without any heartbreaks."

"Oh God..." Jason leaned back, his head touching the steps. "What do I do?"

"You can always ask her out..." Jason shot up faster than a Jack-in-a-box. Kyle was trying to drown him in his own insecurity, there was no other explanation.

"What? Never heard of the concept? Only a couple hundred movies and songs about it..." Kyle turned her attention to her apple, as if what she was suggesting was completely normal.

Jason did _not_ date. He never had, he never will. Because if he did, he'd probably have to ask Dick for advice, and the asshole would lord it over him for the rest of his days.

"No, seriously. You're more or less in her league. So, unless she has a boyfriend _I_ don't know about-"

"Just how many people talk to you about these things?" Kyle rolled her eyes and grimaced in a way that reminded Jason of a turtle- how she did that was beyond him- and calculated. "Everyone." She shrugged.

"How do you think I got everyone to turn on that bimbo last year?" Ah, there it was. The incident Jason kept hearing about.

"You're evil."

"No. I'm a genius." She held up a finger. "Now can you go skulk about your love somewhere else? My apple's been flirting with me for the past five minutes, and I'm falling quite hard."

On his way to class, Jason was thinking over Kyle's words. He was in love. And he should ask Laurel out. Ragnarök was more likely to happen.

"Hi, Jason." He froze, almost dropping his books like the gigantic dork he was at the moment. He turned to see blue eyes framed by black hair and all the blood in his body went to his head.

"Hey, Laurel." Inwardly, he thanked every single deity that may or may not exist for not stuttering. The things that came out of her mouth were like tiny shard of ice piercing him. She was suggesting they go grab a coffee after school. _She was asking him out_. In his daze, he half-expected Kyle to suddenly appear behind Laurel and flash him that mischievous grin of hers; there was no way in Heaven or Hell that wolf-in-sheep's-clothes wasn't involved.

* * *

"So, what do you think?" Like an idiot, Jason nodded vigorously. Laurel smiled at him and left.

"Why is it that bad? And why are you dragging me?" Kyle complained as Jason lead her through the crowd.

"You told her, didn't you?" He accused when they reached a spot no one would see if Jason decided to murder her.

"That you're in love with her? Of course not- don't you point at me with those sausages!" She huffed and slapped his hand away.

"Then why did she ask me out?" Jason had never felt so confused. Disarming a bomb was easier than this.

"Maybe it's because she likes you too? I just asked her about her love life, you were never mentioned." Kyle assured him.

"Whyyyyyyyy?"

"This is perfect; you're love-struck by a hot, nice girl who just asked you out!" She looked more mystified than him. "Why are you crying?!"

"I'M NOT!" Jason decided that moment that he didn't want anymore of puberty, or the emotional breakdowns that came with it.

* * *

**So, this is the belated oneshot I promised, with a _bunch_ of more words than usual. Kyle and Laurel are my OCs that I might never use again; I kinda like Kyle though; evil geniuses that like theater, what could go wrong?**

**Little useless fact, 'wolf-in-sheep's-clothes' is a reference to my other Jason story, although Kyle stays here for now while Elpinora never appears in this story. EVER.**


	7. The Flying Sandwich Monster

**So, um...people still here? Good, good. I know I took my sweet time for a chapter that is neither long nor as good as the others. Okay, probably better than chapter two, but we will never speak of chapter two. Anyway, here it is, in all it's short, mediocre glory.**

* * *

"Hey, champ." Jason groaned so as to show he was still awake.

He felt way too exhausted; a failure of a date and a hard night of patrolling the streets could do that, apparently. Slowly, Jason lifted his head from the metal table. To his dismay, some of his hair had fallen victim to the mayo of his sandwich. Guess sleeping in front of his traitorous food was a bad idea after all.

Kyle sat down across from him, an apple at the ready. Jason had sworn to himself that he would kill her; she had completely forgotten to mention one little thing about Laurel, and it cost Jason his time and dignity.

"Well? How'd it go?" She asked glared at his plastic fork, trying to find a way that it could... slip out of his hand and impale her throat.

"How do you think it went?" He asked irritably. "Girl's a completely airhead!"

"Could've told you that." A second voice said. Jason looked up again to see the great, lumbering blond who'd made it his life goal to _accidentally_ hit him with whatever was at hand.

Jason guessed that he was there to pick another fight, but Kyle's face told him otherwise.

"Sit down. You're blocking my sun." He did, and it sort of reminded Jason of a dog. Despite the somewhat funny image, the idiot decided to sit next to _him_.

"Mark, Jason. Jason, Mark." Kyle gestured, looking completely indifferent.

"Yes, I know." Jason grumbled. "He punched me. With a ball."

"It was my fist first." Mark corrected.

"Wow." Kyle said monotonously. "Anyway, what did Laurel do?"

"Kyle, we've been over this. Laurel's your typical cheerleader." Mark said and started digging into his food.

"How do you know?"

Kyle reached over the table and cleaned the mayo out of Jason's hair with a napkin before she answered,

"They used to go out together. Didn't last that long."

"And you didn't tell me."

"Excuse me?" She said indignantly. "I didn't realize that you asked for a list of all her exes!"

"Not all of them. Just this guy."

"What did poor, brainless Mark ever do to you?"

"Hey!"

"He got me an all new detention!"

"I got detention too!"

Kyle watched the exchange with an expression Jason didn't understand. Her lips were puckered, her eyes were wide and her eyebrows had basically become two squiggly lines.

"Guys..."

"If it wasn't for your stupid crossbow...!"

"I told you it was an accident!"

"Guys!"

"What?!" They both turned to her and Mark- or was it Jason?- threw the mayo sandwhich at her. Apparently there was way too much mayo in that thing, because by the time they realized what had happened, she was white from head to toe. Except her cheeks. Those were redder than hot iron.

Kyle took in a deep breath, closed her eyes and then released it slowly. When she opened her eyes again, there was an insane glint in them.

And Jason knew, he'd done fucked up.

For all his training and all the fights he'd been in, he didn't see that damn apple coming. It hit him square in the forehead, almost knocking him off the bench. Mark sucked air in before snorting in a failed attempt to hide his laughter, when more food was flung in his general direction. To his defense, he moved really fast for a huge guy; the mutilated bit of food hit a girl in the back, staining her shirt with red sauce. She jumped off the bench and screamed while inspecting the damage.

Soon enough, the entire courtyard was a chaos of complex insults, battle cries and disgusting cafeteria grub being thrown all around. His uniform was beyond salvation, he realized. Now either Alfred would slave over it in the middle of the night, or he'd have to get a new one. Either way, it _annoyed_ him.

Kyle, probably realizing the hell she'd raised, had disappeared. Or she had been died in combat, Jason didn't really know. Mark had managed to hide under the table- how the hell did he even fit under there?!

Before Jason knew it, he was being pulled under the table. Of course, the floor was already filled with all sorts of sauces and toppings, and the underside of the table was full of fossilized chewing gums.

"I'm gonna kill her." Mark said suddenly. When Jason looked over at him, he realized he looked like a wet cat. A giganting, fuming wet cat. He was barring his teeth and nearly every muscle in his face was stretched and twitching.

If it wasn't for his predicament, Jason would have laughed.

* * *

It was only five teachers doused in juice and sandwich bits later that the food fight was over. Admittedly, Jason was relieved; waiting for the war to be over under a table with a guy twice his size was anxiety-inducing. And thanks to said fact, the principal didn't even think these two were the root of the civil war.

Eventually, while the still clean teachers handed out towels and detentions- they enjoyed that moment more than anything, it seemed- Kyle turned up. She had cleaned up all the mayo, but her book was ruined and she seemed really pissed about it. It was in her best interest not to bitch to them about it and, thank God, she didn't. Mark would've probably murdered her then and there, and Jason would have helped.

"Is that a tomato in your pocket?" Kyle asked suddenly, wrinkling her nose. "'Cause there's red stuff all over your-"

Jason yanking the crashed tomato out of his pocket, inwardly cursing her.

"You're gonna pay for the uniforms, you know." Mark commented, pretending to be indifferent.

"Yeah, and scrub the cafeteria floors, it seems." She shrugged. "Some freshman ratted me out." Her eyes shone with mischief. "And I don't like snitches."


End file.
